Scrawlings and Chicken Scratch

A heart astray

2010-02-03T10:51:00.000-06:00

I was thinking this morning and lied there in bed with my son bewildered by the issue of a heart astray. So when I was younger (from childhood to early teen years) I used to marvel at magicians. When they would pull off those HUGE spectacular illusions, I would fight to figure it out. I recall one person's solution to the problem: they sold their soul to the devil.

Of course I never believed this. I couldn't have. I was pagan at worst, atheist at best. The idea often ran through my mind, "if the devil were real, I would sell my soul for miraculous powers such as that." All throughout my childhood I entertained thoughts like these. As a young child watching one of my favorite movies "Teen Witch," the same thought, "if this were real, I would do it."

There was a point where, even in my doubt, I did attempt to trade my soul for powers. Never happened. I never received these all mighty powers. I never could turn invisible, never successfully moved things with "the force," and never was able to catch the teacher's hair on fire in math class (btw, sorry Mrs. Patterson). So why not? I have learned that the devil most certainly is alive and at work, so why did I never receive my genie powers, even when offering my soul in exchange?

This is funny. There was no reason for the satan to grant my request. Surely the evil one heard my plea for power, pressed his back against his easy chair, and propped it's feet up with a grin on his face.

Little did I realize that the satan was real and heard my call, but didn't need to grant my wishes as he would not have benefited any by doing so. You see, by my disbelief in God (and equally in satan), the trickster already knew me as his own possession. There was no need in making deals of quid-pro-quot; all he had to do was continue whispering in my ear, "Christianity is made up, God is not real, and you are worthless."

Matt. 16:23 "Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." And this is the way the deceitful one works.

Not a tear

2009-12-01T09:29:00.000-06:00

So I was telling my wonderful wife that I feel funny coming out of nowhere after 8 months of silence to lament the issues which plague me now. This is simply to let every and anyone who may happen upon this blog know that I am not plagued with grief or sorrow. I do speak enthusiastically and passionately about all things, from the most insignificantly mundane to the most highly important and exciting matters of life (usually faith).

There is a rainbow over head, and I am not fallen. A little distraught from time to time, sure. Given the circumstances, I believe that I have the right to be. But there is a rainbow over head!

God is faithful! God is good! He does provide! Everything is in His time! By the way, I've got great news... I was going to hell, and now I'm not!

There's that rainbow.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֶלוֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם זוֹכֵר הַבְּרִית וְנֶאֱמָן בִּבְרִיתוֹ וְקַיָם בְּמַאֲמָרוֹ

Baruch ata Ado-nai Elo-heinu melech ha'olam zocher ha'brit v'ne'eman bivrito v'kayam b'ma'amaro.

Blessed are You, Lord our G‑d, King of the universe, who remembers the covenant, and is faithful to His covenant, and keeps His promise.

P.S.

2009-11-30T09:53:00.007-06:00

Yo Santa,

Sorry, I think I forgot to mention that the house has to be off-white with dark green trim, have a back porch with a privacy fence, 4 bedrooms no wait, scratch that! 5 bedrooms (hey, you have to have a an office/game room). It must be in the best school district, and have a park within walking distance. Oh, wait, don't forget the breakfast nook for a tea room (Heaven forbid we drink our afternoon tea in the den - which did I mention is also a must?).

O.K. so of course our list of musts looks nothing as extravagant as this, but sometimes it feels like it. We do need to be in a good school district, live in a safe neighborhood, and have enough room that life does not become any more of a burden (yes, I dare say.). Need I mention the whole commute thing that is part of what has become the death of my family?

*`* WARNING*`* Here comes the whining... *`* WARNING*`*

My wife already has just over an hour's commute (one way) which, naturally, as a school teacher means that her time here at home is so incredibly short I don't know what it is to spend family time anymore. To live "within our means" almost means having to move even further out away from her work. Is it worth it?

Alright, you can uncover your ears now, it's safe...

I feel horrible because I know that there are those who fight to stay alive in terms of finding food, shelter, oppression, and even worse situations; and here I am with my pity little list of what my family "needs." But is it so pity after all? Our needs are all based off of safety, and security; not based off of comfort or ease. If it weren't for having kids, I would be living in a van (down bY THE RIVER!!!), but I have a wife and children who need more than just a roof.

Safety and security... a requirement?

Dear Santa:

2009-11-29T21:21:00.005-06:00

All I want for Christmas is a home for my family.

We were holding up so well through this whole mess of trying to figure out how our living arrangements were going to work out, and knew that when it came down to it, our move would be rather quick. But we NeveR expected it to happen this soon. As we were told for a while, we would have this house until it sold, and we were led to believe that that wouldn't be until a couple months into the next year. Well, thanks to a phone call on Nov. 19th, we were hit with a bombshell giving us a move out date of before December 15th (implying the 12th). Yeah, it doesn't take too much math to realize that that is less than a months notice!!

So what happened? Well, our throats were cut by the real estate agent (Thanks Dianne yeah, taste the bitterness) as she told house owner, "It's going to be too hard to sell the house with kids and pets in the home," and all along we were loved into the ground by a great friend. Our friend has such a great loving heart that he never wanted to do anything but help us out, and he did... until he had nothing left to do.

*Allow me to clarify* Our friend has loved us with such great mercy and compassion that he kept fighting to allow us to stay here at our ease and comfort. However, it got to the point to where it was out of his hands and he was no longer in a position to do so. That is where the tooth hit the bone.

I am trying not to get too bitter in all of this, because we have been shown incredible amounts of love, and without our friend's (the landlord) generous, and caring heart, we would have been completely sunk some time ago. But it is rather difficult not to become distraught when I sit by and see my wife stress out which causes her to lash out, and seeing the reactions to fear in my children. How do I not become disgruntled my self? How?

All along I have been comforting myself by knowing that God will provide and He will meet our needs, but now that we are looking a week away, and the house is not packed or anything, the stress is beginning to seep into my heart as well.

Ahhhh.... Pesach

2009-04-03T07:03:00.002-05:00

Well, Pesach (Passover) is here again! In less than a week now we get to enter into the anniversary 1,976th anniversary of that tragic night in which the Master: Yeshua (Jesus) was taken by force and led to that tragic event by which none of us could be safe without. And the commemoration of what was done for the Lord's people nearly 3,450 years ago. Isn't it funny how He works in cycles like that?

Well, it being this time of year brings on so much baggage, and I am so ready to cast it off. As we clean the house from top to bottom, I have been looking at my own life and pin pointing the leavening which I need to clean out of my Spiritual house. You know, those little things which when they slip by into your daily life it ends up festering and rising into a big fluffy loaf of sin. Well, I have begun the process of carrying the candle and feather getting ready to sweep it out of my life. Trouble is just as you think you've cleaned it up, hey... theres another piece of chometz over there.

And the thing that I really take issue with is that I don't want to refrain from eatting of this leavening for only a week, I wish I could clear it out for good. But now it has been officially addressed and I have ground upon which I may now stand to oversee that this process is continually ongoing and keeping me in check.

So I wish that everyone find meaning and truth in the season this year. As we go through our lives with the candle to light the path for chometz (leavening) sweeping, I pray that the light expose those dark areas and bring them forth so that they can at least be recognized and kept a watch for. May your candle burn bright and lead you into a time of truth and enlightenment!

Happy Passover!!

Yet another season...

2008-12-16T10:16:00.005-06:00

Well, it's been a while; and rightfully so. I will tend to all of that later though (perhaps). I'm back due to a significant transition I have gone through lately. After battling all of the hang-ups over Christmas this year, I began to take on a new way of thinking.

So out of the shadows I have come to share a little bit of this insight with all of you:

The anticipation of Christmas day:
As told by little Ralphie Parker

I believe that the movie A Christmas Story is perhaps one of the best depictions of the anticipation of Christmas that is shared between both children and adults. This has always been one of my favorites because it seems so real. Looking back we can all see ourselves in little Ralphie’s shoes with a dream and a scheme no matter how many hurdles seem to pop up before us. As a child our minds get so easily wrapped up around that one toy that outshines all of the others with no contest, and then to throw in all of the glitter and tinsel of Holiday decorations springing up everywhere seems to throw us into a state of disillusionment too easily tricking us into feeling like we live in a winter wonderland.

Now as an adult I see the opposite end of the spectrum of a child’s anticipation and excitement. The anticipation of that perfect gift rolls right over into our adult years when we become parents. When you think about Christmas rapidly approaching, the anticipation begins to build again just as it did when you were a child; but this time it’s double the fun as we now are blessed with the opportunity to sit back and reminisce while watching our little ones tear through wrapping paper like a bear with a bag of salmon. One of the best parts is that second before they realize what they have just unwrapped. The excitement is so much sometimes it can make you feel as if you are about to explode with excitement.

I realize that all of this is the cause of many people shunning the season. All of the trappings of the traditions which come along with Christmas can easily blind us from the main focus of the celebration. However, I feel that all of these extra-celebratory traditions and customs play right into the mindset of our receiving the gift of Messiah Yeshua (Jesus). There are two types of gifts that as a child we find under the tree each year; one of them being socks (a gift of necessity) and the other: “An official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.”

There is something of utmost importance that we have to remember about that gift we found under the tree: although Messiah was a gift of absolute necessity, He is also that toy of all toys that as a child, we would dance and scream over. We are not talking about just any old BB gun, but an official Red Ryder with the compass and everything! The gift that our Father has given us is one that can not be out-shined by the twinkling lights, the toys, or even the dreams of magical men who trek across the world in one night delivering gifts to all the boys and girls. We have to remember that the heart of a child is the heart that Scripture tells us we must obtain to accept Him rightly. Perhaps if we find ourselves shunning the gift giving traditions, there are blinders that might need to be removed so that we can see His glory expressed in many different ways.

~So I wish you all a merry Christmas!~

Spring, Summer, Fall, Cut

2008-08-27T06:58:00.003-05:00

Wow, aren't all of Adonai's seasons simply wonderful?

In fact, I think that the Byrds once said it best in their song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" from 1965:

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

This is actually rather funny. Just last night I broke down in tears (several times)...

[*Disclaimer* Yes, I am a man admitting that I cried... over something seemingly so small]

Yet when it actually came time today to do the deed, all I can do is smile and know that this season too has come to an end. Yes, my heart breaks, and I will probably spend a little more time even deeper in my cave then what I have been lately. But do know that I always rejoice in the works of the Lord my God! And for those of you who know why I was in dread in the first place know that this wasn't my choice, and that mission will carry on forever in my heart!

Spider Kid

2008-05-31T12:28:00.002-05:00

Well, we still have five more days before we can find out anything at all about Spider kid. Oh, Spider kid... Yeah, let's cover that first. Little McLellan number three has a nickname already. It makes it a lot more fun and more personal. There is just something that bothers me about people referring to my unborn baby as an "it." Yeah, we don't know whether we will have another boy or girl, so it makes it difficult, but he or she is not an it.

We were sitting at the table one night and we were telling Sage that he was going to have to help us with deciding on a name for the new baby. When we asked him for any ideas, he knew the perfect name, "Spider kid." Hey, it works for me... for now anyways. So instead of "the baby" or "he or she" every time we talk about the new baby, it's much more easy and personal for us to know him or her as Spider kid.

We will not be able to know anything at all about Spider kid until June 9th when Heater goes in for the first ultrasound. Man, this is the longest wait ever!! We will not be able to find out a gender just yet (that will still be a few months later) but I want to know something!! Heather has been saying that she thinks she might even be further along than what we are thinking. So this will be exciting to find out a real due date!

Anyhow, that's about all I've got for now. Just waiting...

2008-05-27T10:08:00.004-05:00

Yes, that's right!! We found out on May 19th that our garden will be growing!! Heather is now 7 weeks pregnant, which is really cool because just last week our new little one's heart actually began pumping it's own blood!! Now, how cool is that?

We have finally broke through from the whole shock stage to the excitement era which has been a blast! This past Sunday we were able to walk around, and I had a piece of paper with the above picture on it nicely folded which we would casually hand to people. To see the looks from those who really matter to us go from a dog-styled head cocked in confusion to wide-eyed-mouth-dropped-a-lot-of-screaming-and-sometimes-jumping-with-joy excitement was probably the most fun I have had in a while! It also felt really nice to see how much these people care for us and the events unfolding in our little life. God is good, and He has surrounded us with many good people to share our life with.

January 14th, 2009 we will be making that long drive back up to the hospital to go in and do it all over again!! All of the excitement, tired/worn-out, sleep deprived, head-spinning, confusion, pride, and joy will be ours for the taking!! When Sage was born, I remember telling everyone I passed about him, and with Lillian, I purchased a "Proud new Dad" button and used it to pin my tartan sash over my shoulder so that I could tell even more people. Maybe this time I will make a sign on poster board and carry it around with me. It is such an amazing time. I remember taking walks just to go and tell people about our new blessings. How amazing this all will be.

The Heart's Journey

2008-05-12T12:10:00.005-05:00

Love will walk for miles
Barefoot on the glass,
But in the end it is rewarded
With the gift that will ever last.

So take the time to say "I love you"
Or together hear the songbird sing
Live today like there is no tomorrow
for we never know what it may bring.
-Raine McLellan

Well, Mother's Day just passed. How great a chance we have to express our love to those who mean so much to us. After reading a dear friend's blog about the experience they had for a "Motherless Daughters' Mother's Day To Remember" my heart was struck heavy with the pain and sorrow of these women. But to see the faith and love of each of them truly turned my heart.

In the poem above are the words that her post evoked, triggering the idea of how precious, fragile, and swift our time together is. I do not know the pain of losing a mother, though I have lost many a good friend. And I know how hard it is to find comfort in the end. Life is so brief, sad it really is, but for those of us who keep pushing forward know that the more glorious days lie in those ahead. A reunion in our Father's house, how blissful it will be! My heart goes out to all these women and I find comfort in seeing how awesome it is that they could come together to work through a tough time knowing they can find consolation in a hand to hold who knows their heart's hole and has felt their motherless pain.

The length that love will travel

2008-05-02T00:23:00.002-05:00

How do you measure love? Can you put it in a cup, or place it on a scale? Absurd.

How do you know when you really love a person? Is it when you say you do, or become infatuated with them? Ridiculous.

How do you know when a person really loves you? Is it when they muster the courage to serenade you, write you a poem, or even when they slip a ring around your finger? Not quite.

Teenage perspective these seem to be. So then what is the answer? What have you
done lately to tell those around you that they are something of the utmost importance to your very heart? How grand was the show that came along with it?

Suppose you gave of yourself and didn't even make it out to be an issue... now we are getting close. How many times have you laid yourself down on the tracks to benefit the one you love? Well, is it wrong not to? Suppose that you were in a situation where you could make the choice to continue growing in incredible ways, or you could opt to give that up for the ease of your loved one? To be or not to be... selfish is the question.

I do not intend on bragging, but I do have possibly the most wonderful wife ever! (I hope you're reading this ... just kidding, she doesn't) Heather has stood beside me for nearly 11 years. Now many have done this for another, but not only has she stood beside me, she supports me in all that I do. Every little step, whether she agrees or not, has been supported (or at least tolerated in some instances). Janis Joplin coined it best by saying, "You gotta call that love, man."

In response what more can I do to show my appreciation and return the love than to stop before the mud puddle, take of my jacket, and lay myself in the mud so that she may have a bridge to cross the mire? You gotta call that love, man.

Slumpity Lumpity Dumpity Doo

2008-04-29T13:09:00.002-05:00

Well, in case there is anyone out there wondering about me...

I'm still here. I try not to use this for pity writings or rants or raves. In light of that, I will keep this rather short. Last time I posted on here was about how life had seemed to become a muddle less blur... well, I'm not too sure about the muddle less part any longer. Life is way too short to continue in this way.

We are taking part in this big olympic type event. Only problem is that this is it. Once this race is over, all that you know will no longer be. To never take the kids to the park again, to never get to hold them close to your body and whisper into their sleeping ear "I love you." It will all be over.

Last night I watched the movie Click (starring Adam Sandler) and it helped me realize that this can not go on any longer! This is funny becuase Heather and I have been talking about this lately, but after seeing that movie, the pain of what we are doing really hit me. Yes, I'm man enough to admit that I began to cry. We never take the time to work through the situations that sit between now and the exciting moments of life, and after fast forwarding through the "lesser" times of life, we realize that we have just missed out on some of the most important times that we could have ever had.

After finishing the movie last night (at about 2:45 am) I fell into the hole. I say "the" hole simply because this is the hole that I have been digging for quite some time now. I just haven't realized that it had become so deep. After a few heart wrenching moments, I wiped the tears from my eyes and went to visit Sage and Lillian for a while. Lilli, so sweet and tiny, sat up while I knelt next to the bed and reached for me. After slowly dancing around the room in the dark with her lifeless sleeping body, I kissed her and whispered my "I love you" and lay her back down.

I then leaned over Sage for a bit in awe of how much he has grown and how fast all of these past 4 years have gone by. After covering him up and tucking him in tight, I went to bed and lied there watching Heather slowly breath. One of the most touching times that I ever had with her is just lying there watching her sleep. How I will miss her when my time comes.

So last night and today I have been wallowing around in the bottom of this hole suffering in every way that my mind can muster. I hear that voice attempt to tell me everything from how worthless I am to even the extent of saying that there is no God. I have been fighting a strong battle today and am very thankful for those great friends who I have to lean on in times like these. You know who you are... Thank you!!

Well, so much for keeping it short, huh? This is my last week of school for my English 104 course and realize that in my last week of each course I go through this same cycle. At least my final research essay is due tomorrow, and then I will have a little break (no matter how brief). Problem with that is that my essay has to be at least 7 pages and all I have is about half of the first page. Wow, it is hot and the pressure is rising. Guess I better tend to that.

To those of you who are still here, thank you. I needed that.

b'shalom v'ahava!

A Muddleless Blur

2008-03-26T13:41:00.001-05:00

Well, it has now been almost a week and a half since I arrived safely
from L.A.

Man, where do I begin?

Oh, I know... Well for starters, I really shouldn't be spending time on the blog thing right now seeing as how it is already half way through the week and I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing for class this week. That's what happens when everything becomes of the online nature though, aye? So many distractions so little time!

We have not stopped since I came back from L.A. Life seems to be going 237 mph right now. It feels like I just got home Monday! We close out and sign off on the old house tomorrow so We have been trying to take care of that, then with church (both of them), and then yet more... add on a few cups of craziness and a couple drops of "where did my head go" and you will have life as it has been for the past week and a half. Craziness! However, life could not be any better right now.

The amazing part is that despite the blur that life seems to be taking shape in right now, everything is as clear as possible, I just don't understand how a week can seem like a day and yet everything still come in so clearly. Man life is awesome!!

California... I have good news!

2008-03-06T23:35:00.000-06:00

Well, here it is the night before I head out. At 5:30 tomorrow morning I will be meeting up with Larry Graham, another member of the team headed out to Los Angeles, and from there, we head for California. This is great! There is something so breathtakingly exciting about taking action when the Spirit calls. I look forward to returning home and seeing each of you and being able to share stories of the amazing things that God has in store for me and my team.

Please, for those of you who pray, keep us tight to your hearts and great in your mind. We can use all of the prayer that is possible for what we will encounter is always unknown. Even greater though, I ask that each of you pray for our families that we are leaving behind to take part on this journey. I know that here in the McLellan household there will be a lot going on and Heather could use all of the support that is possible. And those of you who are planned to come out and do just that, I pray that the Lord bless you in many ways!! I can not express the amount of gratitude we have for all of you.

I wish you all well and would like to leave you with the words that I am taking with me:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

There's Enough Room For Everyone...

2008-03-05T22:44:00.000-06:00

There was this world called Crayola.

It was a 64 pack box.
The Great Artist used all for His beautiful masterpiece.
But divided up inside stood trouble, you see.
In division and tension they fought angrily.
Red called out to Green,
"You're stupid, and you're dumb; I don't like you, you see?"
This caused friction between Scarlet and Forrest Green.
Before they knew it...
along came Blue and towards them all the heat of hate began to rise.
Even among the least.
Blue said Sky was no good because she was mixed and not true.
Before too long the others caught on...
MASS HYSTERIA!
Bitterness and rage
The sickness, it spread
and no one was happy until the others bled.
In pain and agony they all had to suffer.
Even bigger though, was a real problem, you see?
The Artist, the creator of all colors wanted to begin His final masterpiece,
the one titled:
Mount Zion
But when He reached for the Violet,
the Yellow and White were caught in a fight.
In the crossfire was the Artist's hand which was cut and bled over the entire box.
The canvas laid bare
and in the box He would stare.
Always He wonders when all would realize they were no different, you see?
For His blood was Crimson colored and it covered them all.
In the heat of the battle they began to melt.
The Artist saw no other choice but to reach in and pull out
those who stood strong, and to Him praises they shout!
With them He must make a brand new box and will always long for the rest.
And as the battle rages on, these are the only to ever find rest.

written by: Raine McLellan

This story came to me today and I couldn't wait to share it with you all.
The artwork here is not my own (it was painted by Mark Demel), but please have respect for my writings which are mine to keep. When referencing someone else's work, make sure to credit the author. This story is His, but the words are my own. Though I ache over the tragedy of the accuracy of these words, I can not imagine how horrific it must feel to Him who was inflicted. I call to you all now: Stand strong and praise Him forever as we will be the ones chosen to paint that wonderful masterpiece that He will forever call:
Zion.

Is it death, or something worse?

2008-02-27T20:24:00.000-06:00

There is this grim picture in my head of a door. Perhaps a door that you are quite familiar with yourself?

I approach this door and as my hand reaches out to meet the dull brass handle, I get a spine-tingling sensation sending a chill up my back. I know that what is behind this door is the one thing that I fear the most. But I must concede that what lies behind this door is the issue that subconsciously haunts me day and night. My fingers, shaking with fear, wrap themselves around the frigid knob and slowly turn.

The door creaks open revealing a dark closet that sits as black as night. I reach up to find the pull switch that turns on the light and force myself to swallow the lump that lies heavy in my throat. I pull the chain down illuminating the closet and just I feared...

There slumped back against the corner of the wall sat that dusty, cob-webbed skeleton staring up at me with a penetrating stare from his hollow eye sockets.

Everyday we pass by our neighbor or receive an email from someone we know and the question is inevitably asked, "how are you doing?" Not so much in the sense of a lie, but many times we gloss over our true emotions and simplify everything by saying that we are doing "good." Well, lately good just doesn't quite cut it.

...I have been suffering over the past few days over that skeleton that lies in my closet. We all have them, we all work to suppress the feelings that this guy may arouse in us, and we often keep him tucked away in that dark closet where no one will see him. Well, I am supposed to go tomorrow to an appointment and take my skeleton with me.

Perhaps it is just that I am beginning to get nervous about it, or maybe I have been rushing to a rash decision lately and am now coming to realize it. Either way, I'm scared. I don't like to think about this issue, much less confront it head on. Who does? I know I should pray about this situation, and that this is by far the best answer to it all, but it seems so much easier to just stuff it back down and not think about it.

You know, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time thinking about it. I know what I need to do and there's nothing better to do than just do it.

Psalm 34:2

2008-02-19T09:32:00.001-06:00

Psalm 34:2 says:

"My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice."

Well, Sunday was the final day of my Early Christian Literature (New Testament) course through CCU! I sad to see the day come, but I know that this class ending only means new ones will begin; which ultimately means more growth. For those of you who really know me, you will know how much I have delighted in this class! When you are working through material that is that deep and wide being led by someone who will continually push you to keep on digging, the outcome is limitless... of course unless the studies have to come to an end.

I ended the course with a grade of 96.92... .08 of a point away from it being an A+ (97-100). Yes, I have come to realize that I am an overachiever, but it is alright because at the same time, I know how to humbly accept the fact that I am not perfect. Of course for this grade I can not even take credit. The written papers were the biggest part of the grade, and I feel almost as if I had cheated. I was truly able to connect with the Lord to come to the words that He needed for me to write in each of my papers.

In fact, the last paper that I had to write for my final (we have a final exam and a final "research" paper due at the end of each class) turned out to be great! It is funny since I was a little unsure about how well it was done, but felt that I had relayed the information that the Spirit delivered in the best I could. As usual, I struggled with that paper for about a week until just giving it to the Lord. That next day I lied down in the living room and wrote 8 pages non-stop. I absolutely love it when you can feel the Spirit work through you like that!

I received my paper back from Professor Rev. Campbell already with all of his notes attached. In his closing note concerning my paper, he stated:

"Total = 196/200 points - Raine, this is an excellent piece of work."

I scored a 196 out of 200. Now I am by far no mathologist, but that would be like a 98. And for a grade like this to come from a professor who refuses to give a perfect score, this is pretty awesome.

I find that I have a hard time with this. To boast, or even feel good, about my professor's comments on my paper tend to make me feel as if I am boasting on my own behalf. I believe that this is boasting in the name of the Lord as HE is the one who made it all happen. However, through my past struggles I have found that there is such a thin line between exalting one's self and the Lord. In fact, the line is so thin that you might think you are doing one, but actually carrying out the other.

1 Corinthians 2:11

"For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him?"

It is this that leads me to believe that I am not in the wrong, the Spirit within me understands where the intentions of my heart lie. However, if you know me, then you know that putting anything, especially myself, before God is the one thing in life that scares me the most. It terrifies me.

Psalm 44:8

" In God we make our boast all day long, and we will praise your name forever. Selah"

Sentenced to Life...

2008-02-19T08:17:00.000-06:00

Well, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and have continually told myself that I needed to take some time to break away from life and write it all out. This is one of the best ways for me to personally sort through a lot of my own feelings and ideas. In this light, I might say some stuff from time-to-time that makes not a bit of sense outside of my own head, but don't worry. I know what I mean.

I guess what I am trying to say is that this blog thing is for me in my own ways, but I love to share my life with others. For those of you who do come and read this, especially for those who are sentenced to life with me as my fellow inmates in this life, I am pleased that you care enough to take time out of your busy lives to check up on me and sneak a peek into the events that are always speeding by on this side of the fence.

In chicken scratch and scrawlings which flow from my mind, in whatever state, I guess all of this is to say thank you for thinking enough of me to care. Thank you all for everything you do. Know that each of you (you know who you are, even if you don't) mean a great deal to me and each hold a special place in my heart. I could not have chosen a better set of inmates for this time we all have to serve before that 'thief comes in the night'.

Always know that I love each of you and with no better possible reason. Funny thing just happened, as I went to BibleGateway.com to look for the verse I was wanting to quote, I took notice of the verse of the day which is:

1 John 4:11-12:

“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”

You know, I didn't even intend for this post to be geared towards this specifically, but the Counselor led it in this way on His own. My dear Father has some kind of way of getting what He needs done doesn't He?

And just so that everyone knows, Peace and Love was the blessings I wished to bestow upon everyone whom receives any word from me, finding the verse of Jude 1:2 came second after me searching for it to back up my words from Him who is love. Let me recapitulate by saying that you shall always know I mean it in the truest sense when I tell you, my brothers and sisters, that I wish you all:

Peace and Love,
Raine

Who in the world am I and what am I doing here?

2008-02-13T23:06:00.001-06:00

Hey!!

For those of you who don't really know me (which then I wonder how you happened across my blog thing here) I figured that perhaps this would be the best way to start this thing off... Random scrawlings and chicken scratch about who I am and where I have come from.

I am G. Raine McLellan (no, don't ask because I wont tell) born in Frankfurt Germany to a couple of people who suffered the greatest mishap until a few years ago. Yes, that's right. I was a terrible waste and burden upon those who were involved in my life until a few years back, when the most significant thing that has ever happened came into my life... the surrendering of my life into those mighty hands of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Maybe this would be a good time to go into that a little, but that would be a little too planed out now wouldn't it? Perhaps I will come back to this blog thing another day and let you all in on how this all come to be. But for now... it's late, really late (in fact Heather even used the word VERY) and I don't feel like getting into anything quite that deep.

Ahhh yes... Heather. Here you have the wonderful woman of my life for the past 10 years now. Yeah, 10 years... wow! She has got to be the greatest thing that could have possibly kept things at least semi-sane until the Lord was ready for me and I for Him. This woman has stuck by me through trials and tribulations that always had me wondering what was wrong with her. I love my wife to no end and thank God all the time for placing her in my path.

I don't feel that I can really explain who I am without also first mentioning the other two blessings that God has given us. These two are our son: Sage (Bug) WadoJah McLellan, and our daughter: Lillian Orianna Raine McLellan. Keeping us on our toes and never letting us think that things have calmed down for too long, the two of them are a joy like none other!

OK, so what about me? Hmmm.... well, there really isn't much to me. I have been blessed with the past year and a few months to dedicate solely to studying the Bible and concentrating on my family. And outside of those two things (God and family) there really isn't much to me... or is there? Maybe that's why I haven't created one of these bloggie thingies until now. I just had to find a way to get those random thoughts out of my head, without making those who know me regret that they do. Poor poor Tammy, I seem to dump everything on her and Heather, so to you two, I know I will get full support on this blog idea. Smile cuz you know I love you!!

Well, I think Heather is right... it is getting too late and it's going to be a busy day tomorrow, with some school work that I am going to have to try and figure out. Alright, thanks for stopping by and know that you are always welcomed.

"Mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance!" Jude1:2